Yep. I told fibs. You may notice on this blog that I have had a couple of posts that were as miserable as a Smiths record at half speed. There is a reason for this and a reason why I was so circumspect. You see I feel in love. I feel in love with someone I should not have, I did not know she loved me, I could not believe that she would. That saddened me greatly although I never wrote why, She used to read this blog you see. But it turned out that although she shouldn't have fallen in love with me, she did. We both knew that it was probably doomed to failure but neither of us could help ourselves. Neither of us had ever fallen for anyone in the way that we had. Incredible chemistry, pleasure in each others' company, lust affection, laughter, the whole shooting match. Neither of us could control what we felt.

She is the dog I referred to in my post. Not I hasten to add as a reference to her attractiveness, it is just that her Chinese horrorscope is the dog and it became a private joke between us. So my apologies to Sophie for not being entirely honest. I could not have been. It is only because our relationship is at an end that I can refer to it now. I still love her, she still loves me but it cannot be. There would too much pain. Too many obstacles.

I know that I will recover. I know that she will too. But I am now 32 and while I have been in relationships before, I know that until this point in my life I have never fallen in love before. I do not hope I do again because I was content to be alone before we met and one day I will reach that again. And yet I know that I have lost the only person I have ever loved and may ever love. The person, if life was just a little different, who would have been my wife. But life is not a little different. She cannot belong to me.

Such is life. All I know, as I wrote in Latin, now I know what love is. For that I am grateful. Goodbye my love. Thank you loving me. I'll never forget.